Sunday, February 21, 2010


So, I realized that I critique myself way too much. I try to find every fault in my life so that I can work on getting better. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person, but I have to remember that I won't ever be as good as the standards I set for myself.

Oh, I'm too quiet. I worry too much. I am prideful. I compare myself to others. I don't always put God first. Sometimes, I only spend time with God when I feel like spending time with God. Sometimes, I put off spending time with God until I get everything else done first, and by that time it's already time for bed, so I put it off until the next day, only to fall into the pattern of repetition. I don't have the eloquence of speech as much as others. I want to put into words what I am thinking, but it's like there's so many colliding thoughts that the only way I can get it all out is by venting on paper (or computer).

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be perfect. So why do I keep trying to be perfect? Is there a problem with wanting to be the best you can be?

I feel like I need to prove myself. To make up for all of my faults.

Geeze, I'm even critiquing myself right now about critiquing myself! Ironic, huh?

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me crying?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now
i know it's not much
And this is all that I can give
That's my everything

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were crying too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

1 comment:

  1. Hi Carrie- I ran across your blog on facebook...I was encouraged by the honest musings of your heart...I can just see the Father smiling with joy over you...Is the last part of this post song lyrics or a poem that you wrote...I can totally relate to the self-critiquing thing. I asked God what to give up for Lent and the first word that popped into my head was "selfishness"...pretty much covers what I need to give up every day...take care and have a great week with God.