thoughts at the lake

I've been craving spending time with God. I always see how far or long I can go without Him until I hit rock bottom. Why do I do this? I don't know. I'm human. What a lame excuse.

I pick up the book, Crazy Love, remembering how much is impacted me before. I decide to go to the lake to read and watch the sunset. I figure that would be a good way to spend time with just me and God. I grab my blanket and get in the car and drive out to the lake. I park my car, and find a nice sunny spot to lay, where I can work on my uneven tan. I soon realize that I chose to lay in a field full of pollinating bumble bees. I'll just ignore them, I think. Don't bother them, they won't bother you, right?

I continue reading this book, longing for some passion to stir up in me like last time I read this book. Now I can't help but ease drop of the snippets of people's conversations as they pass me by on the trail.  They're talking about school, pregnancy, family, dogs, anything. So many different kinds of people, many different languages. I just want to listen. No, focus on God, I tell myself. Then a huge Indian family stops to the play on the beach right next to me.  All the kids are screaming and yelling and talking at the top of their lungs to each other with their high pitched voices. God, they're so annoying.

This is when I realize what my problem is. I'm trying too hard. Stop being so bitter. Just soak up the greatness of God. These are God's people just as much as I am. God made these bumble bees. Without them, there'd be no honey or flowers, how sad. Help me to see creation and love Your people the way You do, I pray.

It's slowly getting less busy here at the lake. There are those few people trying to get their last minute exercise in before the sun sets. Even the bees are pollinating last minute before they make their journey home. We live in such a noisy, busy and fast paced world. I long for simplicity, solitude and peace. I don't want to miss our on anything God has to offer. I often say that is my biggest fear.

There's another young man standing on the beach, practicing juggling. He seems really good at it. I'm impressed. He's by himself. He sits down and takes a smoke, looking off into the lake towards the sunset. I wonder what he's thinking about. I want to say something, like, "Hey that was amazing" or "That's really neat, how did you learn to do that?" Nevermind, I'll probably just come across as creepy or awkward. I have a thing for doing that.

Finally the loud family is leaving, it's getting quiet, the sun is setting, how peaceful. It's beautiful. God is beautiful. Everything He created has its beauty. I came here longing for passion and passino is what I found in the beauty of creation and of people. I don't need to try so hard to see God. All I need to do is sit and watch.