Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I spent so long trying to be someone, trying to impress, but lately I really have just been happy with myself. This is a huge step for me. I used to sit around and focus on my flaws and try to hide them and pretend that I was better. I've been told, "you can't love someone else if you can't love yourself first." You should love yourself because God loves you. You should be satisfied. And I feel like I am getting there. I am accepting my flaws, and I can laugh, and I can love. I'm starting to view people differently. I have been filled with a refreshed love.

I'm currently sitting on my comfy futon reading through 1 John with the wonderful sounds of Jonsi playing in the background. I am so content. It's quiet here. Everyone else is out enjoying others company. I just don't quite fit in right now. And honestly, I accept that.

I feel like I'm changing, and I can't put my hands on what exactly it is, but I am really content and enjoying the solitude. It kinda freaks me out because this is usually not like me at all. I'm usually dependent on other people. I hated that about myself. I needed people around me all the time. I needed someone to pay attention to me. I wanted to feel a sense of belonging. I wanted people to care about me. It mattered so much. But now I feel different and I don't quite know what it is, but I'm happy. I feel like my own person. I can enjoy solitude.

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